If only someone could come and relieve my pain. If somehow I could just wish upon a star and make all the memories go away. But my mind just keeps on going back and I can’t help but think about that guy that messed me up. I can’t help but remember that sad day in December.
That day he took something from me and I can never be the same again. I regret being out that night I was young and stupid. I got hurt but didn’t learn.
I still make the same mistakes. Going out late and messing around with the wrong people. I lived life for the moment; still do now I’m just a bit more sensible about how I live it.To live in the world today and make a living is hard. You have to have the GCSE’s.
I failed in school because of a mixture of things, mixing in with the wrong people, drinking, smoking, and family stuff. I don’t really no how it started but I think I just turned a certain age and thought I could go into the world and be a grown up. Even though I wasn’t. I started sneaking out of the window because I was scared of what my parents would say if they found out that I went out at night. It was fun I would go out with my friends, drink a bit then get home at about 3 in the morning, sneak back in and wake up the next day after lunch. My parents started to realise that something was wrong.
They were keeping a close eye on me. But that didn’t stop me from going out. It was like a drug. I needed to go out. If I didn’t get to go out the next day I was really grumpy.I started to cut myself out of the family. Not coming down to eat with them. If I were downstairs I would be getting food from the cupboard or on msn.
Then I would go back up and sit in my room. As I going out at night became normal I decided I couldn’t be bothered to go out the window so I went out the front door. As soon as the door went my mum came running out after me. I was so worried about what was happening. I didn’t no what I was doing.
She was shouting at me asking me why I was doing this. She started crying. I felt so bad. I wanted to go over and hug her and tell her I was sorry and that I love her but I couldn’t I was scared. Luckily I got across the road and jumped on the bus.I didn’t no where I was going all I knew is I couldn’t go home. Not yet.
Not after what I just did. So I didn’t I stayed out. But a night turned into days and days into weeks. Although those weeks weren’t the best of my life I wasn’t at home.
I felt grown up for once. Growing up to soon isn’t good. There’s a lot of responsibility.I came prepared I had clothes and money. It was stupid why did I have clothes on me if I was just going out for the night. I must have planned it. But I knew I didn’t. Soon enough the money went and I needed more.
I didn’t no how I could get more. Talking with my friends there was two clear options, prostitution or selling drugs. I didn’t want to do either but I needed money. I wasn’t this prostitution thing because I hadn’t even had sex yet. And I didn’t want to start having sex now. I wanted to wait for the right person. Not that I ever was. Because as soon as any boy found out I’d never had sex they were gone.
That seemed to be the only reason any boy wanted from me. Thinking about it upsets me. I just wanted to have a boy, as a friend because all girls seem to do these days is bitch about people. I no all girls bitch about people at some point in their life but I didn’t want to because I wouldn’t like people to talk about me I would rather they said it to myself.
I had money but it soon went so I had to find a way to start getting some. I was phoning my friends finding out some ways but the only things they could come up with was selling drugs and prostituting. I ain’t no hoe so I picked selling drugs. I made money. I’m talking big money. In an hour I could make ï¿½100 but of course I didn’t get all that because I was selling someone else’s stuff.It was Friday 31st December, new years eve and a Friday, what more reason to party.
It was nearly 3:00 and we were coming back from Ministry of Sound, a club in central London. Look on internet for description. We were a bit young but our fake IDs helped us get in.
Yeah I no so young but doing illegal things already what is the world coming to… underage drinking, fake Ids, selling drugs, illegal weapons. But life only happens once so live it to the full.
To live in the world today and make a living it’s hard. You have to have the GCSE’s and if you don’t that when you have to do things like that or you live on the street. Even if you did have the GCSE’s you still couldn’t have your own house and things like people use to. The economies messed up. Back to the story..
. we were at a club having fun drinking, smoking the usual stuff young people get up to.If only sum1 could come relieave my painIf somehw i could wish upon a star make all these memorys go awayBut mind just keeps on going back and i cant help but think about that guy that messed me upNd i cant help remeber bout that sad day in december that day he took a part of me nd i can never get it back.What can you gain from making up your own rules a major change from the thins i use to do stoppd prayin like i use to nw doing im doin wat i fiink i need to.His bois were the only thing that he needs mary jane was his only nescitiy i thought he loved me but i was wrong.Now i have to face realitlity with this mentality.Dont have to take ma hair out of ma pony tailDon’t have to change my look ma style or pimp out the clothes i wearsU no the words to say to make my day go better.Anything that i do i no ill always be beautiful to youNo need to put on make coz u came aroundDnt hav to hide my tears wen eva i feel dwnNo wun makes me feel the way u doYour so good to meLets start by corectin your talk the way you thinkWe both no u did wrng but wat makes it worse is you dnt have the nevre to even say that your sorryYour wrng and im neva rightHw is that you can look at who eva nd as soon as i turn my head you screw meYour words cant hurt me anymore ive grown and cant feel it anymore go find someone else to hurt betta yet stop hurtin people and look at the consequence of your actions you’ve lost the one person that loved you.He sed he can do wat my man dosn’t